About John

2008-01-01T19:38:00.000-08:00

On Easter Sunday, at 9:00 in the morning, we received a telephone call from the Washington Regional Transplant Consortium letting us know that our son, John William, was being taken into the operating room in order to have his organs harvested. Of course tears were shed, tears of sorrow for our son but also tears of joy from the realization that on that glorious Easter Sunday morning there were a number of families experiencing gladness and relief due to the final gift of John, the gift of life itself.

By simply recounting how John lived the last week of his life it is possible for those who never met him to come to know him. That week begins on Palm Sunday. John hadn’t been feeling well for awhile, with a pain in his neck, but that Sunday was the first day of the kickball season. John and Alex belonged to a kickball league which played their games on the Washington Mall. John enjoyed it tremendously – he was athletic but he did it mostly for the fun. And while we were surprised when we first heard about a year ago that he played kickball (most people give it up after the third grade) we soon found out that initially it was a pretext to get near to Alex. It worked!

In any event, Palm Sunday was a beautiful day and John and Alex went to the Tidal Basin to enjoy the cherry trees, which were in full bloom that day. However, the pain was getting bad for John and he actually had to lie down under the trees. It was a perfect setting for him, since he so enjoyed God’s creation and was always in awe of the beauty of nature, especially from all of his world travels. In any event, while lying under the trees, John had a nice long phone conversation with us. We knew he hurt but didn’t know how much. Nonetheless, we talked about our plans for the coming weekend. John and Alex were going to come down to our home, along with Michael and Gina (his girlfriend) as well as Jessica and John’s grandparents. We were going to celebrate Easter as well as his brother’s birthday which was that Tuesday. John loved being with his family – we have always taken great joy that our children were not only siblings to each other, but best friends as well.

To give you some insight into how our family has been blessed, after John’s death we read on a web site an article on what parents go through after the death of a child. We could relate to every challenge raised, but one, which we both realized was not applicable in our case. Specifically, the article stated that oftentimes when a death is sudden and unexpected, as was John’s, parents often have to confront the things which had gone “unspoken.” We both immediately realized that nothing had gone “unspoken” between us and our children. There were not only no regrets as to things said that shouldn’t have been said, but we also realized that there was no doubt in our minds that John knew the fullest extent of how much he was loved, not only by his parents but by his entire family; and we knew how much John loved us. We take great solace from that.

In any event, during that phone conversation that Sunday, we all talked about how much we were looking forward to the upcoming weekend.

Later that afternoon, John attempted to partake in the camaraderie of kick ball which he enjoyed so much. However, he could not play due to the pain and instead obtained medical assistance that night at a local ER.

Later, on Monday, John went to work. He enjoyed his job and his coworkers. But he had to go home due to the pain.

Monday night, John celebrated with his true love the first anniversary of their first date. Although discomforted by the pain, John would not be dissuaded from being with Alex.

On Tuesday, John was too ill to go to work. However, Alex had errands to run and she doesn’t have a car so John drove her there and waited in the car. His pain was bad so he climbed into the back of the car to lie down. Nonetheless, he knew that his mother, who is a teacher, was off that week so he called her at home and together they had a wonderful phone conversation that lasted over 30 minutes. Again, much of the discussion centered on the upcoming weekend, when the entire family would be together.

Tuesday night was John’s brother’s birthday. John, Alex, Michael, Gina and Jessica all went out to dinner. John was still in much pain, so much so that at the end of dinner Michael commented how bad John looked and that he should just go home and lie down. But John looked back at his brother and say “No, bro, it’s your birthday and we are going to celebrate it.” With that, the five of them went to the Nationals ball game that night, which can be a painful experience even in the best of times. Yet, out of loyalty to his brother, John endured the pain and discomfort in order to commemorate his brother’s day.

On Wednesday, John was not much better. Yet, out of concern that he had taken too much time off from work and out of commitment and loyalty to his job and in recognition that others depended upon him, John went to work that day. Nonetheless, he had to leave early and go home due to the pain.

On Thursday, John tended to his own needs and went to an orthopedic specialist as recommended by the ER.

Nonetheless, by Thursday night, the pain was too great and once again John called Alex who this time took him to another ER. Fortunately, she also called us and we immediately drove up arriving about midnight on Friday morning. We are eternally grateful that Alex called us when she did, because it allowed us to spend John’s last 24 hours or so with him, although we did not know it at the time.

John proceeded to spend the next 20hours in the ER. Notwithstanding the pain, prior to being discharged from the ER, John turned to us and said he was sorry for ruining our Friday and he turned to Alex and said he was sorry for making her miss so much work. That’s the way John was, even in the moment of his greatest need, he was always thinking of others.

They eventually discharged John from the ER. Although weak and in continued discomfort, John sucked it up and said he still wanted to come home for the weekend. John was determined to spend the weekend with his family to which we had all looked forward. And we were determined to nurse John back to health, doing whatever was necessary to help him manage the pain and do the necessary therapy for his neck.

Nonetheless, it wasn’t meant to be. Shortly after arriving at our home, John’s pain became as intense as ever and we took him to the local ER. They arranged transport back to the DC hospital, but he became brain dead in route from a cause that was not diagnosed until after he died. Yet, after a week of giving to others, John was not done because he would donate the following day the organs to which you and others are the fortunate recipients.

John’s last week of his life was typical as to how he lived his life. To know about his last week is to know John. That week happened to be Holy Week, and it is fitting that John’s last week was lived as a holy week by just being the extraordinary, thoughtful, kind, loving individual that he was who lived life to the fullest and who was loved so very, very much by his entire family.

It’s every parent’s dream to leave a legacy for their children. In a way, it is a special blessing to be left a legacy by a departed child, but that is exactly what John has done.

We were fortunate to spend a day with John’s co-workers shortly after he dies and got to hear first hand how he touched them in his warm, unassuming way. They have dedicated a conference room to John’s memory and proudly display his photo.

His kickball league has named their annual tournament trophy in honor of John.

We have established this technology fund in John’s memory. John loved information technology – it was his passion. With the fund, we hope to, as his brother says, help the big geek foster a lot of little geeks – young people like John who share his love for technology.

John's Pelican Technology Fund

About John